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An Empty Space

from Beautiful, Terrible by Mars Ray

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lyrics

Give it to me now, give it to me slowly. There must be some kind of drug or candy or IV that you could give me. Take it from me now. Take it from me slowly. By which I mean remove the dagger from my back. By which I mean thank god that it was ever there. By which I mean it is now healing its now sweetly, sweetly, healing. And if you see my bleeding heart, don’t feel sorry for me. I’d rather it be bleeding than be whole and calmly beating. I’d rather it be toxic than it fit neatly in boxes. I’d rather be in pieces than be smooth and without creases.

I want my soul to explode, and leave nothing. I want my soul to explode, and make a clearing. I want my legacy to be an empty space just like my face.

Say that you love me and I’ll call your bluff. I want you to say it so that I can call your bluff. I’ve seen them all run away. I’ve seen them all run.

Don’t feel sorry for me, the best of us were all alone anyway. Don’t you worry about me, the best of us were all alone anyway. Don’t you fucking worry, the best of us were all alone anyway.

And when I said I want to kill something don’t worry I didn’t mean you, I only meant I want my soul to be an empty space just like I appear.

Now I can finally cry my fucking eyes out. And it’s making me feel so happy. Ya, I can be so very sad. And it’s making me feel so happy. I found the fragments of my broken soul, no longer stagnant and whole. But don’t forget how I had wanted it to be. I wanted my memory to be an empty space.

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from Beautiful, Terrible, released November 1, 2020

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Mars Ray New York, New York

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