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Slow Hands

from Beautiful, Terrible by Mars Ray

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lyrics

I’ve got slow hands, and a brain that moves way too fast to ever keep up with. It’s up and running but not well connected.

Flash back to 14 years of age, I locked myself up in my room trying so hard to do what I’m doing now. My hands could not stop shaking. My brain in pain like it was being melted down. Like it was, beaten down.

Looking at my feet, thinking about how I would tie my laces. didn’t know it, but I guess that I was thinking for too long, about those letters. And by the time I finally put them together I was a year too late. My mother stayed up nights thinking “dear god, what’s wrong with my child?”.

Flash back to 16 years ago, you took so many tests and came back every week. “Oh maybe she’ll get better”. The doctors gave me names to call it, they said

“She’s got…slow hands. Her mind is sharp but its not well connected”.

I imagine the maps inside myself so convoluted and fading at my fingertips. Flash back to 14 years ago. You were in school after hours while your friends were all outside. Your mama said it just takes some time but my time is running out.

I said, I said, my time is running out. My time is running out!

My slow hands, they won’t learn anymore than they can.

credits

from Beautiful, Terrible, released November 1, 2020

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